Selfish Desires

In the depths of our souls and our hearts is a desire. A desire to be loved, a desire to be accepted, a desire to live life to its fullest. These desires are embedded in our chemical makeup, but I speak for myself when I say that I probably spend too much of my time trying to achieve some of these "desires."

I spend too much time trying to make myself and my life desirable to others. I desire to have more friends all the time and I desire to be liked by those people I encounter every day. How selfish is this thinking? As I'm thinking about this, I'm disgusted with my own selfishness.

How much of my time do I spend trying to make myself something that quite honestly I can't always be? Do you ever catch yourself doing something, or trying too hard to appear like something you aren't? Maybe I'm the only one, but I constantly catch myself trying too hard, whether that be trying too hard to appear as if I'm having fun, or trying too hard to catch someone's attention. Either way it boils down to this: I'm trying too hard for something I shouldn't be worrying about.

If you are having to try to appear desirable or having to put on an "act" to appear one way or another, is it really worth it? I shouldn't feel like I have to put on this act, but instead I should be confident in being myself. Being myself will draw people in, or push them away, but either way at least I'm not pretending to be someone I'm not. At least I'm not trying so hard to catch everyone's attention when quite honestly they could care less about me.

In the end I have to constantly tell myself to stop. Stop trying so hard to make myself and my life desirable to others. I have to stop trying so hard to pull the attention on me, because that is not my purpose in living.

What I want instead, is to live in such a way that God brings people to me. God brings me attention so that I can positively reflect him in everything. I want God to be seen in me, and that means that my selfish desires to be noticed, have to be thrown out the window.

I'm human, and I want attention. Yet, God calls me to humble myself. Humble myself I will, and from this point on, I'm done.

I'm done trying to impress people. I'm done trying to pull attention in my direction, but instead I'm choosing right now to let God do this for me. He will bring the right people into my life, and he will always be the only one who sees that I feel desirable. He is the only one who will constantly desire you, and if that isn't enough for you, I don't know what is.