This entry will be a lot different than what I usually take the time to share, but as much as this may be out of my comfort zone, I feel as I need to share what keeps popping up in my life recently.
I've been a camp counselor for five years. Over the course of five summers I have counseled many girls of all ages. I've walked with them, played with them, taught them the Bible, held hands and prayed with them, and so much more. Throughout my years of college, I have found myself in many positions where I have been a counselor or mentor to young girls. Whether it is concerns or hardships, I have been fortunate enough to be someone they trust and come to for advice. Over the past three weeks, I've been approached by old campers, friends, and even some strangers about dating. When it first came up, I laughed. Who am I to give dating advice? But, seeing as a very similar conversation has come up, not once or twice, but multiple times with friends, campers, and strangers alike, I feel as if I should go ahead and share my insight.
Like I said, this is very much out of my comfort zone. I don't have a lot of dating experience, and I am certainly the first to say that I am not perfect in any relationship I have ever been in. (Ask my current boyfriend, he can testify) Yet, what I do know is that dating shouldn't be a game, and there are right and wrong ways to go about it. So here goes nothing.
He is worth waiting for. The man that you will eventually date and marry, is worth waiting for. Throughout college I remember going through what felt like a constant cycle of emotions. Sometimes I wasn't phased by my lack of relationship and was perfectly content to be single, surrounded by friends, and growing in my relationship with God. There were other times where I was down in the dumps, questioning God as to why I was single and alone. Looking back on my four years of college, I wish I could go back and tell my self not to grow discouraged. That those nights I spent crying in my room because I hadn't been on a date in two years, would be well worth the wait.
I didn't date a lot in college. I had one relationship for about three months, and that was it. I did have several guys I was interested in at several different points throughout my time at A&M. Whether these were crushes or periods of time where we were "talking" (whatever that means), I wish I could go back and tell myself to TRUST YOUR GUT.
By this I mean, I knew. I knew with my only relationship, I knew with the guys I would casually text or "talk" to, that these weren't men I was going to end up with. I really have no way of describing it other than it didn't feel right. Yet, instead of simply being content single and alone, I held on to some of these guys for way too long, because at the end of the day it was better to be texting someone than to go to bed knowing the only people you had talked to that day were your mom and roommates. (No offense Pam Pam or friends I've lived with)
I've seen this problem a lot recently. Several girls have come to be asking, or sharing their relationship problems with me. Now my first question for them isn't what does your heart say, but what is your gut telling you? A conversation goes like this. (I'm not making this up people, this is a REAL conversation I had)
Me: "What is your gut saying?"
Friend: "My gut tells me it's not right. That he's not in a good place with the Lord, but I'm too far in. Plus, I think I'd rather stay where I'm at than be alone. I can help him come to know Jesus right?"
This conversation hurt my heart. Why? Because that was me. That was me not four years ago, but even a year and a half ago. So afraid of graduating single and alone that I could justify almost anything that was wrong with a guy. So when I'm approached like this, with questions like these, my heart hurts. I personally feel an obligation to share with these girls that waiting, being single and waiting for a good guy, a guy that you know in your gut is good, is worth it.
Waiting is worth it. I would tell myself over and over, and I will tell every girl that comes to me to wait. To stop dating guys that are wrong, or that you are having to justify, or even convince yourself to like (my best friends and I have done this!!). Just stop and wait. Singleness is not the end of the world. I'm not going to try and paint it as a beautiful picture for you, because it can be so difficult. I believe every young woman wants to be loved and wants to love. I know I did. But I wish I had done a better job about waiting. I wish I hadn't been so eager to not be single that I would jump at any opportunity to crush on a new guy.
I say that because the man I am with now was so worth the wait. The nights you spend single and alone, or going 22 years without a Valentine's Date, or even waiting to go on a first date until college, these times are worth waiting when the right guy comes along.
You'll know in your gut that he is good, because you won't have to convince yourself. He will be a man of God who gives you a glimpse of the love the Father has for you. He'll hold you when you cry about stupid guys who have hurt you or trampled your heart in the past. He'll send flowers to an empty apartment when you are moving six hours away alone. He'll surprise you with Chick-fil-A after you've worked a 12 hour shift. He'd be willing to drive 2.5 hours in the middle of the night, because you were so sick and couldn't get off the couch. He will call you when he says he will, and he'll pray with you every night. He'll be first to say sorry, but will also not be afraid to confront you when you're in the wrong. He'll hold your hand as you walk into church, and will be right there beside you worshiping the God you both love.
Suddenly you'll have a man like this and you'll know that those nights you spent alone, maybe crying and eating chocolate because you hadn't been on a date in two years, those nights were worth it. Because if you ask me, I would do all of the hard, the lonely, and sometimes downright pathetic times of singleness again if I had only known this type of love was coming.
So girls, wait. Stop justifying or making excuses for the man who are dating or have a crush on. Be patient, be prayerful and wait.
