The Perfect Love

I don't pretend to know a lot about love, but with 10 15-17 year olds that's all they want to talk about. First kiss stories, the ideal date, and such ideas of everlasting love that every teenager desires are the conversations that fill my cabin nearly every day.
"Katelyn who are you attracted to? What should we look for in a relationship?"
 Such questions overwhelm me, because I'm not an expert. I haven't maintained a relationship for more than four months because quite frankly I used to stink at it. I used to not understand how to love people because for a long time I, myself, thought I was unlovable. I am unworthy of the love that my Savior shows me, and so I struggled for a long time to fight such feelings that the Devil filled my head with. Quite frankly I am lovable. I am desirable. I am wanted by the King, my Creator, the very God who sent his own son to die for me. It took me a long time to realize this, and I get frustrated even today when for a moment I let the Devil have a foothold. When the Devil makes his way into my thoughts and for a minute convinces me that no one would ever want me, I turn to God. It is through God that I know I am loved and that I can see the most beautiful love story. No, Jesus doesn't take me on a late night picnic and stargaze with me in the bed of the perfect truck as my girls most certainly wish he would, but he did something even better. He died for me, and for every single one of my girls. He died so that I could have the opportunity to teach them that true love doesn't look like a perfect first kiss, or a perfect date, but instead looks like acts of selflessness. Perfect love empowers you to be all that you can possibly be. It doesn't hinder you, discourage you, but instead it builds you up. I am grateful that I have had the opportunity to share this with my girls this far into the session. I am thankful that I am able to love on them, and help them realize that no matter what happens to them in life or what they do, they are lovable. It has been such a blessing to teach and show them how perfect love isn't of this world, but instead is something that is eternal. What began in death and resurrection, will end with an eternity with our Savior. That to me is the perfect love that I am trying to teach my girls this week.

Halfway There

Today, Monday, was a harder day. Well at least it seemed that way to me. It could be that yesterday we simply went to church and the beach, so back on the work grind could've simply been why it seemed harder. Like usual we got up early, hiked to the top of prayer mountain and had a devo of sort followed by time for prayer, reading or meditation. Our 'lesson' today centered on what keeps us from full-heartedly giving ourselves to God. What holds us back? Something Clay said really registered with me this morning. He said a lot of people are afraid that by giving everything to God they'd end up living in a hut in Africa. This didn't register with me because I, too, am afraid of living in Africa, no quite the opposite. I spent 30 minutes asking God why I haven't strongly considered making work like this a permanent lifestyle? If I am one the few individuals willing to embrace a 'hut in Africa' why haven't I already done it? While I sat there overlooking the valley of the mountain I couldn't help but think that God has given me an opportunity to pursue my education and truly make something out of it. As ready as I am to pack my bags, I can't really offer anything than manual labor. I have no income, no trade, and am on no way prepared enough to communicate. With that said, I was filled with the excitement that one day if I continue pursuing me education I will be ready. I fully understand God doesn't call the prepared, but prepares the call, but I think it would be a disservice to all involved should I quit school and move to another country at only 20 years old. Props to you that have done it though! So instead I pray God gives me an open window. I pray he gives me the knowledge and discernment to know when the time is right. Call me and I will go. Our meditation this morning was wonderful, and it got me thinking and praying for my future, but that was only the start of the day. Afterwards we ate another delicious breakfast and we had to wait around for a while. We got a later start because we were waiting to see if we needed to take a mechanic with us to Las Pitas. Don't hold me to that spelling because I'm not from here haha. Anyway with the trip being two hours, we wanted the first set of people to get there and try to fix the generator so in case they couldn't fix it we could bring him along. Turns out the mechanic wasn't needed, and we rolled out about two hours than usual. Two hours doesn't seem like much, but when you consider that we usually have finished half of our work and are eating lunch, our late arrival set us back. Upon our arrival, Hector surprised us with a treat. La gorobo (sp?) aka lizard. We ate our lizard tacos which were fantastic and then set about our work. Today we did a lot of the work without our main constructor. So it was kinda chaotic. We couldn't find the tools we needed and so on. Also it was significantly hotter today compared to our usual morning work schedule. Regardless, we finished our two outhouses. The process may have been chaotic, it may have included Cason accidentally pouring cement all over me and my hair (which I really hope comes out before I come home for the wedding) and it most certainly included good food, but regardless we finished the jobs and left with many thanks from the families. Today was also unique because I had the opportunity to sit down with Jarrod's wife and discuss the work she does in the clinic. She is a Nurse Practitioner and manages the clinics run by Mission Lazarus. In our thirty minutes talking I learned a lot. I learned of the struggles she faces financially, the difficultly of getting the prescription medications she needs, and also I learned about how she is in the process of 'revamping' their clinics. By this I mean that she is in the process of making the patients have more privacy all the while training locals the art of running the clinic. The way she spoke, and the passion she has for this work gave me chill bumps. It was almost as if God was whispering in my ear or that the Spirit was nudging me or preparing me. What she said next was truly no other than God answering a prayer from earlier that morning. She said that while they don't have a need for interns, she was considering have a student come down in the summers to assist her in the clinic. Preferably a future nurse. Bingo she said it. My eyes lit up and without a second thought I said such an opportunity would be right up my alley. I told her I would love to be considered and that I would be in contact with her should she decide to go through with such 'position' for next summer. Now if it ends up working out, who knows but God? I don't need to know details or have a set in stone plan, because nothing about mission work is set in stone, but in that moment I saw God opening a window that I prayed for this very morning. So while today's work was hard, my soul and heart were filled to the brim. We serve a faithful God, one who loves His people more than we can imagine. When I was filled with doubt and uncertainty, he reassured me that I'm on the right path. My day to come and serve people like this everyday will be here before I know it. For now we have a two hour trip home and then hopefully I can pick the concrete out of my hair and off my skin.

What I Live For

Mission work is my niche. I say that full-heartedly and confidently, because it is. There's something about stepping off a plane into a third world country that nourishes and awakens my soul. Where people are filled with fear , or even disgust at the lack of sanitation and poor living conditions, I feel like I belong. In a weird way, I envy these people. They have so little, but they are so full. Their hearts overrun with love and sense of family. They are generous beyond their means to us, Gringos, that can barely speak to them in broken Spanish. They feed us what little food they have to live on, and still do so insistingly and cheerfully. Before we left, I had a number of people tell me how brave I was and how I was doing such a 'good' thing. I was told so many things to such an extent I was almost embarrassed. I believe people have this vision of mission work, of it being glorious work where we come in and save those who we consider to be less fortunate. But to me it's not this way at all. I am humbled everyday, and convicted in every moment. Where people think I am helping these Honduran families, I can honestly say I am leaving with so much more. While we leave each family with an outhouse, we leave spiritually full, with a better understanding of Christ our savior. We humble ourselves, to serve these families who in reality are helping us in a way that will benefit us eternally. So no the work isn't glamorous, but it's still beautiful. There's just something about being on your hands and knees paving concrete and constructing an outhouse that not only fills my soul, but I know pleases my Creator. It's even better when a Honduran constructor complements you on your work haha. It's only been two days, yet we've already learned so much. Where the roads are long and terrifyingly bumpy, the coffee is sweet, homemade chicken soup and tortillas fill our bellies, and where we are strangers, this place seems more like home. It's always easy to hear God on trips like this. To be surrounded by his nature, and people who have full trust and faith that he will provide for them on a day-to-day basis, makes it easy to see and hear him. I can't help but feel my heart and soul being pulled towards work like this. This isn't my first mission trip and I'm confident it won't be my last. In my biggest dreams, which I know God is capable of working, I would love to have the opportunity to work down here for longer than a week. I would love to put my education to use, and give these families healthcare they need. Yet, as ready as I am to quit school and start working here, I know how important my education is. I know God has given me an opportunity to grow in my knowledge at school so I can one day better glorify him through it. For know I am content with that, but hold me to my word that I'll come back someday. Keep praying that God will open our eyes and hearts. Keep praying that His word will continue to grow and that these churches will continue to flourish. I speak for our entire team when I say we are blessed and so very happy to serve.

To the Work

So what exactly are you doing in Honduras? I mean I didn't know until I got to Mission Lazarus what work we would be doing. While I feel like my family was concerned about my lack of knowledge about the details of the trip, I simply trusted that the Spirit had led me this far and that he would see we had work to do. On our first night we had a debriefing about the expectations Mission Lazarus had and the work we would be doing. I have full respect and truly love the mission of Mission Lazarus. They don't simply give hand outs, but in an effort to stop dependency work alongside the locals. So when it comes to our work project, the families are expected to dig a 10 foot deep hole that is approximately 50 inches wide. That's where we come in. We build up and level out the hole with rocks first. Then we mix concrete (which we now really have the hang of) and then layer some of it out to make the hole more level. Then we lay the concrete slab and poor more concrete on it. All the while, we the girls are usually building the actually outhouse out of metal sheets that we screw together. Then you place the concrete seat, and place the metal house around it. Lastly you put on the door. It seems simple, and sometimes it is, but other times we have have to haul all of the materials (buckets, concrete, slab, metal, rocks) long distances, and up hills to get to the hole. On our first day, Paden and Cason, with the help of Hector, had to haul the 300-400lb slab a half mile. Keep in mind the roads aren't paved, there's tons of hills, so this act alone took at least 30 minutes and I feel like our boys are feeling the burn today. The goal is to build two a day, and we've got it down to an art. The boys deal with the heavy lifting, Shelby and Kelci are pros at assembling and I'm a runner (although I might add I'm pretty good at mixing concrete and pouring it down to smooth it out). Our first house took 2 hours and now it takes about an hour. What I love about the process is that it's us and the families working together. We only have one man who is bilingual, but somehow we manage to communicate. Usually we just all piece together what little Spanish we know in hopes of getting our point across. The process is fun and hard work all the same. The families feed us, which is awesome! The kids love to watch and it's just a great experience. Thus far our days have basically been us getting up at 5:30 to go hike up to a prayer mountain. We spend anywhere from a hour and half to two hours in mediation and prayer. It's a beautiful way to watch the sun rise and feed your soul. Then we eat breakfast and load up to make the 2 hour drive up in the mountains to work. Whenever we finish, we head back to Mission Lazarus for dinner, lots of coffee, and good conversation. The cabins we are staying in are extremely nice, and they even have hot clean water which is a rarity on trips such as these. I feel like we are staying more at a resort than the usual lodging for a mission trip. So basically we drive a lot, drink lots of sweet sweet coffee, work hard, and end our day with full bellies and lots of laughs. It's almost a fairytale for mission work. Oh that's the other thing, we have wifi which is how we are able to share pictures and communicate. So hopefully I can keep updating my blog, but for now Hasta Luego!

Exciting News for Aggie HYPE

As today was the last Aggie HYPE of the semester, I promised
my class that we would celebrate with snacks of their
choice. So we feasted on Hot Cheetos, Takis, and popsicles.
What a great note to end on! 

God is faithful. He truly is! About a month ago, we, the Aggie HYPE volunteers, received some alarming news. The news: we didn't have the funds to send our kids to camp. Regardless of what brought such lack of funds doesn't matter, but what does is that in that moment we made a conscious decision to trust that the Lord would provide. I love opportunities such as this one. I love waiting to see how God will provide, especially monetary funds, because it truly practices a great deal of trust and patience. With this said, we didn't receive the news that we needed approximately $4000 and then proceed to sit back and kick our feet up. No, quite the opposite. We began writing letters, contacting businesses, and brainstorming ideas of how we could raise the funds we needed to send 40 kids to camp at $100 a child within less than a month. After receiving such news, I remember going to lunch with a few of my best friends. When I told them the news, they immediately began giving me ideas of how to help raise the money, and names of people who I should contact. I'll admit as the clock began to speed up, I was worried that we wouldn't have enough to send all of the kids to camp. I surely didn't want to have to look a child in the eyes and say that due to lack of funds, they wouldn't be able to go to camp. No, that would break my heart. So instead I prayed, I prayed, and I begged God to provide. I was confident the money would come from somewhere, and slowly but surely it did. Today we received some very exciting news, we fulfilled our budget needs…and more. WAY more! God is faithful and every single one of our kids (of age) will get to go to Camp of the Hills this summer. We even made enough money to cushion our budget for next year as well. Like I said, why do I even doubt or stress when God constantly shows his faithfulness? I've attached some pictures of my 2nd graders that have truly become my own children this year. Thanks to God, and to the many supporters of Aggie HYPE, some of my kids will go to camp for the first time. I am overwhelmed with the support and love shown to my HYPE kids, and I ask that you will join me in praying for them as they have an opportunity to see Christ through a week at summer camp.

Tony has truly grown up to be quite an athlete over the past
two years. Earlier in the semester, I was able to go watch
him play basketball and let me tell you, he is probably the
only 2nd grader I know that can make a 3-pointer!

Alayna-I promise you that no one will ever make you
feel as special and loved as this sweet girl.

JJ- I have so many words for this boy, because he has stolen
my heart. He started out as one of my trouble makers,
I kid you not, and he still likes to give me a hard time. Yet,
I have seen him grow and now he loves to be praised
for his good behavior.

How can you not smile when you see this little boy? Don't
worry, I didn't give him negative points for posing
on the counter haha :)

"You're too ugly to love…"

Like the title says, my heart broke when such phrase was yelled into my face. No my heart did not break because such mean words were directed towards me, but my heart broke a little because of the girl who said them. Such a little girl has been hardened by the world, and I know that with the ease of the phrase it has been one that she's heard before. Before I get ahead of myself, let me give some background.

Yesterday started out as a typical HYPE Sunday. When my 2nd graders got to my class though, I knew it would be a challenging day. The rainy weather had kept them cooped up in their homes, and then with the sugar I supplied, I realized and watched as I slowly lost control of my class. Even with extra helpers, some of the boys were getting out of hand. Yet, as soon as things would get too far, I'd reign them back in, at least for a few minutes. Finally after reading the story, coloring, and sugary snacks, we met up with the other classes in the church parlor to watch a movie. Once again, my boys especially were bouncing off the walls at this point and with no gym or playground I knew things were about to get crazy. Most times we, the Aggie volunteers, embrace such enthusiasm. Yesterday was different because there is a big difference between crazy fun, and aggression. Quickly evident that all control was lost, we decided to load the kids up and take them home. It was clearly apparent that we as a whole were struggling. Some of the boys were getting rowdy and picking fights, and left and right volunteers were trying to separate kids. The bus was worse. Confined to a moving bus, the boys broke out into a fight and we quickly broke it up. I at the time was sitting at the front of the bus, and we decided to separate the boys. So a volunteer sent one of the boys instigating the fight up to sit in front of me. Thinking things had simmered down, I felt myself ease from the tension. Yet, as soon as my shoulders began to fall into place, I saw a little girl charging down the aisle to give the boy in front of me a piece of her mind, well actually her fist. Another volunteer and I quickly made a barrier with our arms, which angered her even more. She began kicking and screaming, so I did the only thing I knew. I picked her up and sat her in my lap embracing her. Trying to calm her, I kept a tight hold as she tried to bite, kick, hit, and pull my hair out. At the moment I did what I thought was best, and kept her in my arms to prevent her from hitting the other kids, but she was beginning to rage. She was screaming all sorts of things, to which I just kept repeating that I loved her, Jesus loved her, but such behavior was not going to be tolerated or allowed. Then she said it. "I HATE YOU! You are too ugly to love!"

Thankfully my self-confidence doesn't rest in the opinions of angered 3rd graders, but at the moment my heart broke. I hurt because with the ease of her words, and the anger in her eyes, I knew that she had heard such phrase before. Now I don't know who said it, or if it was even directed to her, but nonetheless my heart broke that a little girl would ever have to hear such an awful phrase. Yesterday was a difficult day at HYPE, and trust me usually HYPE days aren't full of such aggression and craziness. But in such moments of frustration, I still know that I have a purpose in this ministry. We are called to be difference makers, and I pray that in such moments of fighting that maybe that little girl will look back and remember how we, the volunteers, treated her. We didn't yell insulting things at her or hit her or any of the other kids fighting, instead we still showed love. Biting my lips, and holding back tears, I let a little girl take out her frustration, pain and anger, and instead I hope she saw Christ. I know I did. I saw myself in this little girl, fighting against the good, so filled with fury and frustration. Even when I get frustrated or fight God (figuratively), he still is there to embrace me, to calm me down. He forgives me, and never takes his arms away from me. So while it was easy to get caught up in what was a 'bad day' I look back and see it as a learning opportunity. I see myself in my kids, and I thank God for the lessons and the way he reveals himself to me in this ministry. I ask you all to join us in praying for the HYPE ministry. Pray for our kids and their families. Pray that we as volunteers will have the energy and strength to keep encouraging and loving on these kids. In particular, please pray that God will provide for this ministry as we are in the midst of fundraising to send our kids to camp.

Taking Life for Granted

"What did you do for Spring Break?!"

A simple question we all ask and all respond to without doubt or question. It's a societal norm and we are expected to partake in it. So like I had been doing with all of my friends, I asked one of my HYPE 2nd graders today what she did over her break. When she replied nothing, I dug a little deeper until she said she just stayed at home and watched tv. This was nothing out of the normal for her, so I let her be and didn't ask any further questions. A minute later though she turned to me with the biggest smile I had ever seen on her face and said:

"MISS KATELYN!!! I almost forgot!!! We went to a restaurant! Cheddar's!!! And I got fish and chips!"

Wow. Her enthusiasm almost made me sick with guilt because I didn't realize just how big a deal such occurrence as going out to eat was to one of my precious children. With my own recent trip to Tennessee in my mind, I had forgotten that such a simple thing to me, is a huge deal to her. To see her joy from simply going to a restaurant, and most likely getting a kid's plate made me saddened by the way I view life. Anything less than a fabulous trip or quality time with my family would probably have me disappointed, wishing I was able to go somewhere farther or eat something better. Yet, my second grader humbled me today. She opened my eyes to just how much I take for granted the material things in my life. I can't recall the last time I got so excited about eating out, and that's probably because I do so several times a week. But to her, one time going out to eat over Spring Break was more than enough to fill her week with joy and adventure.

I'm saying this to myself, because I don't want to keep getting used to life so much so that it takes more and more to excite me. No, I want to be like my 2nd grader who found such enthusiasm in life because she got to go out to eat. I want to take joy in the little things, the meals I eat every day, the laughs I share with friends, and the family members that fill my heart with joy.

In 1 Peter 4:7 it says, "Everything in the world is about to be wrapped up, so take nothing for granted." I don't want to become used to things in life, and come to expect them. I don't want to take anything for granted or ever cross a line where I feel entitled to anything. So today I was humbled, and while it hurt my heart for a minute I smiled because once again God has taught me a lesson in the most beautiful of ways.

She then turned to me with her smile still on her face and asked me what I did over the break. I smiled back and said, "Well sweetheart, I got to eat at Chick-fil-A with my family." 

She laughed and continued to smile, and I thanked God for the lessons I learn from my HYPE kids.