To start out, I named this post just for my roommate Lucie who has been an inspiration to me and truly the best friend/roommate I could ask for.
I have been SO weighed down over the past couple of week that I haven't taken the opportunity to stop and reflect on my life. I haven't stopped to realize my priorities are becoming overwhelmed by the stress of my science major, church, my training for my half, and volunteering. I have been running like crazy trying to keep up with the things I've been thrown when I finally realized I can't do it all. I have a problem, and admitting it myself is the first step to making the changes I need to make in order to live a healthier life in all aspects.
This time of year is always chaotic and always causes me great anxiety. So not surprisingly this year was no different. As September progresses I begin to feel like I'm drowning in a sea of my own stress, most of which I cause myself. This year though, I vowed to myself to do some deep reflection of my heart, my dreams, and my ambitions, only to find out with great remorse that where I'm headed is not what I believe God wants for me. I've been striving for my own personal success, placing my grades and future dreams of a career over God. I've struggled to take the time to listen to him, rather than just tell him what I'm doing and ask for his support. So as the stress began to hit, I felt my life crumble around me. I became an emotional train-wreck, my body physically couldn't handle the stress as the lack of sleep and training were exhausting me, and lastly I wasn't seeing success. My grades weren't improving. I wasn't improving in my training, and I just seemed to always want to cry and eat ice-cream, which I shamefully did thinking that it would make me happy.
One day I was sitting in the library trying to study for a test I had in an hour, and I finally did something that I've never done before. I admitted to a close friend that I was struggling. I finally spoke aloud that I wasn't good, and that I truly felt like my life was crumbling around me. I struggle with the pride of self-image. I want everyone to think that my life is put together and perfect, when truly I struggle every day just to prioritize and to thank God for blessing me. So that day in the library, I reached a milestone. I was real with someone and actually shared the 'true shape' of my life. I realized that this was the self-reflection I had been craving, and just being able to speak it out to someone with listening hears was relief enough. A weight had been lifted, but still stress was overwhelming me.
The same week, I made it to class and in a panic realized that I had forgotten my badge for the hospital. So I did what all roommates do, and quickly texted my roommate to look in my room for it. Lucie couldn't find it, and with a time crunch to make it to my next class, I rushed home and began to literally tear my room apart. I was nearly in tears, and had foolishly began unpacking every single box in my room in desperation. Thinking aloud, I told Lucie how I was the worst volunteer, so irresponsible, and so on, but all along she kept a calm disposition and helped me look. I had just about given up, sitting on my floor not knowing how I was going to explain that I had lost my new badge (long story short, I had already had to receive a new one) and then Lucie saw it.
"Katelyn? Is that it up on the wall?!"
There my missing badge was, right on the wall clipped where I could easily and quickly find it. But in that 30 minutes I was dramatically overreacting and couldn't stop to think or to see what was clearly right in front of my face. This might be a long stretch, but after finding my badge I couldn't help but think to myself that I do the same thing with God every day. He is right in front of me offering me peace, relief from my stress, but I am so overwhelmed that I cannot see him standing right in front of me. I am so caught up in myself that I cannot see the important things, the one thing that at the end of the day that matters, God.
I realize now that my life has truly been all over the place. I have been bottling stress and letting it overwhelm me, but I am so thankful that my God is a forgiving God. He always welcomes me back into his arms when I realize I have failed him, and that I have forgotten him in light of my stressful days at college. I have finally realized that it is ok to admit that things aren't going well. It doesn't mean I'm a failure, it means I'm real. I struggle with my classes every day. I'm a horrible test taker, and I'm still trying to learn how to study. Sometimes I'm not a good friend or roommate and I take out my stress on those around me. But I am SO thankful that I can now admit these struggles and ask for forgiveness. Our God is great, and I now know a peace that I have never known before.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Difficult Devotion
Let me just start out by saying that I think we all struggle with devoting ourselves fully, without reservation to God. Maybe you don't, but I do. I struggle to be content with God and God alone. I struggle to put my full trust in Him, though I try to every day. I struggle with releasing the reins of my life to God, to allow him to steer me in the right direction. I struggle to devote my entire heart to my Creator, the one who not only formed me, but predestined me to serve his kingdom. It's difficult for me to admit that I struggle with this, because I like to fool myself into thinking that by going to church, reading my bible, and praying that I'm truly devoting myself to God, when really there is so much more than simply going through the motions.
A month ago I began telling my friends that I wasn't dating, I was devoting. I'm devoting time to God, just like I would if I were going on dates. I'm dancing with God, dining with Him, listening and conversing with him frequently. I'm trying to pray to God as often as I text my best friends in my group thread on my phone. I'm trying to create this intimate relationship with the one that created me. I'm trying to fall in love with God all over again. I believe I was there at one point. I was so wrapped up in God that I didn't think of trying to please anyone else. He came first in everything I did and said and since then I've drifted from this closeness with God. I WANT to have it back. I want to have the undivided devotion for God again, but it hasn't been easy. It is so difficult not to be distracted by the ways of the world, but if it's worth having, it's worth working for. So I continue to work at this 'devotion' to God. I fail daily, but I'm striving towards a relationship with God where I feel enveloped with his fullness and goodness. I want to be in love with God, so in love that I don't have to think about it, but I can feel it every moment of every day. The past month hasn't been easy for a number of reasons. There's times when I feel lonely as I watch my friends get engaged and plan weddings, or the times where I feel like no one will ever appreciate me or love me the way God does, but regardless of any feelings I have, I'm turning to God. I'm learning to not only be content, but to be at peace with my relationship with God. What a beautiful love story that I am beginning to fall in love with my Creator all over again?
A month ago I began telling my friends that I wasn't dating, I was devoting. I'm devoting time to God, just like I would if I were going on dates. I'm dancing with God, dining with Him, listening and conversing with him frequently. I'm trying to pray to God as often as I text my best friends in my group thread on my phone. I'm trying to create this intimate relationship with the one that created me. I'm trying to fall in love with God all over again. I believe I was there at one point. I was so wrapped up in God that I didn't think of trying to please anyone else. He came first in everything I did and said and since then I've drifted from this closeness with God. I WANT to have it back. I want to have the undivided devotion for God again, but it hasn't been easy. It is so difficult not to be distracted by the ways of the world, but if it's worth having, it's worth working for. So I continue to work at this 'devotion' to God. I fail daily, but I'm striving towards a relationship with God where I feel enveloped with his fullness and goodness. I want to be in love with God, so in love that I don't have to think about it, but I can feel it every moment of every day. The past month hasn't been easy for a number of reasons. There's times when I feel lonely as I watch my friends get engaged and plan weddings, or the times where I feel like no one will ever appreciate me or love me the way God does, but regardless of any feelings I have, I'm turning to God. I'm learning to not only be content, but to be at peace with my relationship with God. What a beautiful love story that I am beginning to fall in love with my Creator all over again?
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Cheers
Learning to laugh, learning to praise God in even the most uncomfortable, or inconvenient times has been our mission this summer. Learning to Praise God in all circumstances is not only our theme for our campers, but as a staff, we too, have been practicing such praise. For 5th session, a dear friend and I decided to "cheer" to every event that happened in our cabin, or anything that happened with our group. When something funny, dramatic, or exasperating would happen, we would look at each other and simply cheer and continue on with the rest of the day. This to me was a way of accountability, a way to continue praising in all circumstances. So with this said, I would love to share some of our mental "cheers" with you.
Cheers to poopy pants.
Cheers to missing sleeping bags.
Cheers to learning that Patience is a virtue.
Cheers to campers who appear to hate the world.
Cheers to a camper who struggled to say anything positive.
Cheers to bribing children with candy to go on the Hawaiian slip-n-slide.
Cheers to campers infatuation with staff members.
Cheers to relationships.
Cheers to 82.
Cheers to Golden Pond.
Cheers to Christmas in July.
Cheers to icing hundreds of cookies for Christmas in July.
Cheers to being murdered within the first 30 seconds of Murder in the Dark.
Cheers to a camper who thought and acted as if he was Gollum.
Cheers to rain jackets being mistaken for people in the cabin late at night.
Cheers to late nights and early mornings.
Cheers to night swimming.
Cheers to girls who didn't wear deodorant.
Cheers to the constant attack of chiggers.
Cheers to trying to wrestle 10 girls out of bed in the morning to start the day.
Cheers to our God for answering prayers.
Cheers to God for allowing my mom's procedure to go well.
Cheers to God for helping us through a month of camp with a day and a half off.
Cheers to God for 14 baptisms.
Cheers to 40 precious Wenache campers who taught us a number of lessons throughout the duration of 5th session.
Cheers to poopy pants.
Cheers to missing sleeping bags.
Cheers to learning that Patience is a virtue.
Cheers to campers who appear to hate the world.
Cheers to a camper who struggled to say anything positive.
Cheers to bribing children with candy to go on the Hawaiian slip-n-slide.
Cheers to campers infatuation with staff members.
Cheers to relationships.
Cheers to 82.
Cheers to Golden Pond.
Cheers to Christmas in July.
Cheers to icing hundreds of cookies for Christmas in July.
Cheers to being murdered within the first 30 seconds of Murder in the Dark.
Cheers to a camper who thought and acted as if he was Gollum.
Cheers to rain jackets being mistaken for people in the cabin late at night.
Cheers to late nights and early mornings.
Cheers to night swimming.
Cheers to girls who didn't wear deodorant.
Cheers to the constant attack of chiggers.
Cheers to trying to wrestle 10 girls out of bed in the morning to start the day.
Cheers to our God for answering prayers.
Cheers to God for allowing my mom's procedure to go well.
Cheers to God for helping us through a month of camp with a day and a half off.
Cheers to God for 14 baptisms.
Cheers to 40 precious Wenache campers who taught us a number of lessons throughout the duration of 5th session.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Gone, Gone, Gone
Today marked the end of an incredible two weeks. These past two weeks were some of the most memorable and in these past two weeks I truly witnessed the power of our God. I witnessed his capability to take broken relationships and restore them. I witnessed God's power made perfect in my weakness.
Two days before the session began, I received the news that I would be a co-counselor for my sister's cabin. I was so excited, mainly because over the past year my sister and I had grown distant. We were no longer as close and our relationship felt stressed and forced. I knew God had big plans for my sister and I, but now looking back I know I underestimated the power of God. I also underestimated his ability to allow me to "connect" with other campers.
For the first week of the session I was 'Canteen Queen' or as many of my campers called me 'Canteen Nazi.' How did I acquire such nickname? Because I like to run a 'tight ship' and during my week in the canteen I was constantly cleaning. What I loved about canteen was that every day I was able to interact with every group three times. So even though I was a Hoche, I was still able to interact with Cheuks. One Cheuk camper in particular grabbed my heart the very first day. As a complete stranger, she reached out to me. She loved me before I even knew her name. This camper stole my heart, and as the session progressed we formed a very special bond. Such a bond that she trusted me, and would listen to me. When she was having a bad day or felt angry, I was able to whisper to her and immediately a huge smile came across her face. That toothless grin had a way to turn my day around as well. Her grin and a recent song Gone, Gone, Gone by Phillips Phillips helped me realize that our Creator will ALWAYS love us and that he will never leave us.
To further elaborate, some of the lyrics I love from this song are "I'll love you long after your gone." Even when my Cheuk camper left camp on Friday, I know I'll love her forever. In the same, I know that whenever I 'leave' or turn away from God I know that he's not moving on, but he will love me long after I'm gone. God never leaves us.
"When life leaves you high and dry, I'll be at your door tonight if you need help." "If you need help, I'll share in your suffering to make you well." These phrases reiterate that God will always be there to help, and he will always love us no matter how long we turn away from him. As it says in Psalm 40:2 "He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand." God NEVER leaves us. While I know God will never leave me, I also find great importance of stressing to our campers that we won't leave them either. The same camper I mentioned earlier also had a habit of 'pretending' to be mad. She would run away 'upset', but every time I was with her I made a point to follow her. Giving her space, I let my presence say it all. Even though I knew she wasn't really upset, she wanted to know that I cared. She wanted to know that I wanted her, and that I wouldn't leave her. When she was done playing this game, she would always run back to my arms and give me the biggest hug saying how much she loved me. From God's example, I have been able to realize that sometimes my campers just want to see that I will be there for them. Even if they are completely exasperating, pushing my patience to the max, these campers don't need to be yelled at or abandoned, instead we need to express God's love to them, by showing that we will go with them. Where they go, we will go.
Isn't this one of the best ways to love one another? To show that even if we are upset, angry, or simply frustrated, we will still be there for one another. We will love no matter what is going on. Even if those we love walk away or choose to walk out of our lives, we can show our love by loving them continually. Jesus is the perfect example of this love. Even as he was being crucified he still uttered out of love "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." Jesus loved us enough to die for us, so we alike can continue to love our brothers and sisters in Christ.
While I was learning this lesson through my interactions with this Cheuk camper, I also witnessed the power of God made perfect in my weakness. Halfway through the session I was filling empty. Physically I wasn't sure how I was going to last another week. Yet, it was in these moments where I felt so empty that God spoke the most. One moment in particular I had the chance to meet with my sister and truly catch up. In one hour we shared the events of the past year. We cried together and prayed together. In one hour that began as I was too tired to move, I felt God soften my heart so that my sister and I could begin our relationship again. Another time, I decided to meet with my sister's best friend for quiet time to simply catch up and talk. I was exhausted, but for some reason I knew it was important to speak with her. What started out as a casual conversation, ended up as baptism study. Two days later, my sister's best friend was baptized into Christ. How powerful is our God that when I felt so empty, he provided me two occasions to see his goodness?
This session was phenomenal. I cried a lot as I watched our God restore my spirit. I saw him heal my broken relationship with my sister. I witnessed his power as Becca was baptized. I laughed a lot too as I spent the second week of the session with the pee wees (day campers.) One funny story was when my pee wee camper came up to me. All session they had called me Mrs. Green, because obviously since I was a leader of their green group I was married to the other male staff member who was a leader too. "Mrs. Green!" She cried as she held her shirt up as she held something inside.
"Yes?"
"I found some moth eggs and I'm going to take them hope and watch them hatch!!! Want to see?!"
As she unfolded her shirt, tears of laughter rolled down my face as the contents inside her shirt were not moth eggs, but instead was actually deer poop.
This instance was just one of many that had me rolling. How great is our God that we can laugh over such memories, and in the same way glorify him. God is good. 4th session was great, and provided SO many memories, but now we are on to our last 3 weeks of camp. Three more to go, and then in four weeks I will be back in College Station. Time flies, but in it all God continually shows me his goodness and his faithfulness.
Two days before the session began, I received the news that I would be a co-counselor for my sister's cabin. I was so excited, mainly because over the past year my sister and I had grown distant. We were no longer as close and our relationship felt stressed and forced. I knew God had big plans for my sister and I, but now looking back I know I underestimated the power of God. I also underestimated his ability to allow me to "connect" with other campers.
For the first week of the session I was 'Canteen Queen' or as many of my campers called me 'Canteen Nazi.' How did I acquire such nickname? Because I like to run a 'tight ship' and during my week in the canteen I was constantly cleaning. What I loved about canteen was that every day I was able to interact with every group three times. So even though I was a Hoche, I was still able to interact with Cheuks. One Cheuk camper in particular grabbed my heart the very first day. As a complete stranger, she reached out to me. She loved me before I even knew her name. This camper stole my heart, and as the session progressed we formed a very special bond. Such a bond that she trusted me, and would listen to me. When she was having a bad day or felt angry, I was able to whisper to her and immediately a huge smile came across her face. That toothless grin had a way to turn my day around as well. Her grin and a recent song Gone, Gone, Gone by Phillips Phillips helped me realize that our Creator will ALWAYS love us and that he will never leave us.
To further elaborate, some of the lyrics I love from this song are "I'll love you long after your gone." Even when my Cheuk camper left camp on Friday, I know I'll love her forever. In the same, I know that whenever I 'leave' or turn away from God I know that he's not moving on, but he will love me long after I'm gone. God never leaves us.
"When life leaves you high and dry, I'll be at your door tonight if you need help." "If you need help, I'll share in your suffering to make you well." These phrases reiterate that God will always be there to help, and he will always love us no matter how long we turn away from him. As it says in Psalm 40:2 "He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand." God NEVER leaves us. While I know God will never leave me, I also find great importance of stressing to our campers that we won't leave them either. The same camper I mentioned earlier also had a habit of 'pretending' to be mad. She would run away 'upset', but every time I was with her I made a point to follow her. Giving her space, I let my presence say it all. Even though I knew she wasn't really upset, she wanted to know that I cared. She wanted to know that I wanted her, and that I wouldn't leave her. When she was done playing this game, she would always run back to my arms and give me the biggest hug saying how much she loved me. From God's example, I have been able to realize that sometimes my campers just want to see that I will be there for them. Even if they are completely exasperating, pushing my patience to the max, these campers don't need to be yelled at or abandoned, instead we need to express God's love to them, by showing that we will go with them. Where they go, we will go.
Isn't this one of the best ways to love one another? To show that even if we are upset, angry, or simply frustrated, we will still be there for one another. We will love no matter what is going on. Even if those we love walk away or choose to walk out of our lives, we can show our love by loving them continually. Jesus is the perfect example of this love. Even as he was being crucified he still uttered out of love "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." Jesus loved us enough to die for us, so we alike can continue to love our brothers and sisters in Christ.
While I was learning this lesson through my interactions with this Cheuk camper, I also witnessed the power of God made perfect in my weakness. Halfway through the session I was filling empty. Physically I wasn't sure how I was going to last another week. Yet, it was in these moments where I felt so empty that God spoke the most. One moment in particular I had the chance to meet with my sister and truly catch up. In one hour we shared the events of the past year. We cried together and prayed together. In one hour that began as I was too tired to move, I felt God soften my heart so that my sister and I could begin our relationship again. Another time, I decided to meet with my sister's best friend for quiet time to simply catch up and talk. I was exhausted, but for some reason I knew it was important to speak with her. What started out as a casual conversation, ended up as baptism study. Two days later, my sister's best friend was baptized into Christ. How powerful is our God that when I felt so empty, he provided me two occasions to see his goodness?
This session was phenomenal. I cried a lot as I watched our God restore my spirit. I saw him heal my broken relationship with my sister. I witnessed his power as Becca was baptized. I laughed a lot too as I spent the second week of the session with the pee wees (day campers.) One funny story was when my pee wee camper came up to me. All session they had called me Mrs. Green, because obviously since I was a leader of their green group I was married to the other male staff member who was a leader too. "Mrs. Green!" She cried as she held her shirt up as she held something inside.
"Yes?"
"I found some moth eggs and I'm going to take them hope and watch them hatch!!! Want to see?!"
As she unfolded her shirt, tears of laughter rolled down my face as the contents inside her shirt were not moth eggs, but instead was actually deer poop.
This instance was just one of many that had me rolling. How great is our God that we can laugh over such memories, and in the same way glorify him. God is good. 4th session was great, and provided SO many memories, but now we are on to our last 3 weeks of camp. Three more to go, and then in four weeks I will be back in College Station. Time flies, but in it all God continually shows me his goodness and his faithfulness.
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Halfway There
At this point in the summer, we have completed 4 weeks of camp. Tomorrow we begin a month of camp with a day and a half off in the middle. 4th and 5th sessions are both 2 weeks that fall back-to-back. I feel like these 2 sessions are easily the hardest, but most fun of the summer. We, as a staff, learn to rely on God for strength and energy, and we begin to rely on each other for encouragement.
But before we begin 4th session, I feel blessed to share my experiences of 3rd session. For the first time in my staff career I was a Hoche. Usually for 3rd session the campers are extremely young, but this time we had surprisingly old Hoche campers. What a blessing it was to be able to talk, share beliefs, and love on my older girls. As picture lady, I was able to spend all but an hour and a half a day with my girls. I was able to really get to know them, which was such a blessing seeing as they were only at camp for 5 days. I had the opportunity to share my walk with Christ with them. For the first time, I stood in front of 11 girls and shared my heart, my struggles, and my journey with Christ. It was a first for me, and I believe that by sharing myself with the girls, they in turn trusted me enough to open up too. I learned of their hard home lives, the struggles they have seen, and the pain they are coping with. I learned how they struggle with being their own worst enemy and how as 15-16 year old girls they struggle to feel beautiful without the comfort of a mask of make-up. In a matter of 5 days, I mastered the role of co-counselor. I was able to be the 'fun aunt' in the sense that I was able to come in and be with the girls in a fun way, all the while still showing them the love of Christ.
For five days I watched as my girls began a process of healing. On the first day we talked of our 'spiritual life' and the girls opened up to how dirty sin has made them feel. By the last day I was able to witness the miracle of God's holy cleansing. As our girls watched Cross Devo, they truly realized that through Jesus' sacrifice they had been forgiven, cleansed of their sin. In tears we huddled together, and prayerfully thanked God for this opportunity to bond together and heal together. As a counselor I have witnessed the power of God. I have witnessed him heal hearts, bring cabins together, but for the first time I was able to feel a strong connection with my campers even though I was simply a co-counselor.
One camper in particular became like a sister to me. I don't know why I so blessed to become so close to her, but I thank God I was able to become an older sister to her too. Through her, I witnessed God's joy for his children. Through her example I saw how God could use brokenness as a tool to not only help others, but to help us grow. She was a light to our entire cabin. She light-heartedly joked with me, but at times was completely serious and shared her life with me. I was truly sad to see her go.
3rd session was one that will stick with me forever. Not only will I remember my memories and my campers, but my perspective has changed. My role of co-counselor has been redefined thanks to my Hoche campers. If you haven't been able to tell by now, God is working at Camp Deer Run.
I love camp so much because it shines a light on my life. It opens my eyes to my life, and helps me remember who I am, and who I can be in Christ. Camp Deer Run has helped me make positive changes in my life, changes to a life that out in the 'world' I thought I was perfectly content with. It has helped me cherish my true friendships, and realize what I need in a friend and in a 'significant other' one day LONG down the road. Spending 10 weeks out in the woods, with no AC, working with hundreds of children is difficult, but camp is the only place that I feel so impressionable to God's will and his Word. My heart is so willing to be molded, so willing to make changes that I need to make to be closer to him. God speaks to me and helps me make decisions, make changes that are more fit to his plan. How great is our God that his plan is perfect? How great is my God that his love for me never fails? I love Camp Deer Run. I love the people I work with. I love how I can sever my ties from the world and be perfectly ok for 10 weeks as I listen to God, and watch as he fulfills his promises. I love how I can feel him working in me and through me. I love that I can be so happy and so content while I am cut off from the 'world.' Once again, thank you to my friends and family. Most of you know that the beginning of the summer was beyond challenging. I am glad to say that I am happy, and I can feel God working in my life. I hope that y'all can witness it too.
God is GREAT!
But before we begin 4th session, I feel blessed to share my experiences of 3rd session. For the first time in my staff career I was a Hoche. Usually for 3rd session the campers are extremely young, but this time we had surprisingly old Hoche campers. What a blessing it was to be able to talk, share beliefs, and love on my older girls. As picture lady, I was able to spend all but an hour and a half a day with my girls. I was able to really get to know them, which was such a blessing seeing as they were only at camp for 5 days. I had the opportunity to share my walk with Christ with them. For the first time, I stood in front of 11 girls and shared my heart, my struggles, and my journey with Christ. It was a first for me, and I believe that by sharing myself with the girls, they in turn trusted me enough to open up too. I learned of their hard home lives, the struggles they have seen, and the pain they are coping with. I learned how they struggle with being their own worst enemy and how as 15-16 year old girls they struggle to feel beautiful without the comfort of a mask of make-up. In a matter of 5 days, I mastered the role of co-counselor. I was able to be the 'fun aunt' in the sense that I was able to come in and be with the girls in a fun way, all the while still showing them the love of Christ.
For five days I watched as my girls began a process of healing. On the first day we talked of our 'spiritual life' and the girls opened up to how dirty sin has made them feel. By the last day I was able to witness the miracle of God's holy cleansing. As our girls watched Cross Devo, they truly realized that through Jesus' sacrifice they had been forgiven, cleansed of their sin. In tears we huddled together, and prayerfully thanked God for this opportunity to bond together and heal together. As a counselor I have witnessed the power of God. I have witnessed him heal hearts, bring cabins together, but for the first time I was able to feel a strong connection with my campers even though I was simply a co-counselor.
One camper in particular became like a sister to me. I don't know why I so blessed to become so close to her, but I thank God I was able to become an older sister to her too. Through her, I witnessed God's joy for his children. Through her example I saw how God could use brokenness as a tool to not only help others, but to help us grow. She was a light to our entire cabin. She light-heartedly joked with me, but at times was completely serious and shared her life with me. I was truly sad to see her go.
3rd session was one that will stick with me forever. Not only will I remember my memories and my campers, but my perspective has changed. My role of co-counselor has been redefined thanks to my Hoche campers. If you haven't been able to tell by now, God is working at Camp Deer Run.
I love camp so much because it shines a light on my life. It opens my eyes to my life, and helps me remember who I am, and who I can be in Christ. Camp Deer Run has helped me make positive changes in my life, changes to a life that out in the 'world' I thought I was perfectly content with. It has helped me cherish my true friendships, and realize what I need in a friend and in a 'significant other' one day LONG down the road. Spending 10 weeks out in the woods, with no AC, working with hundreds of children is difficult, but camp is the only place that I feel so impressionable to God's will and his Word. My heart is so willing to be molded, so willing to make changes that I need to make to be closer to him. God speaks to me and helps me make decisions, make changes that are more fit to his plan. How great is our God that his plan is perfect? How great is my God that his love for me never fails? I love Camp Deer Run. I love the people I work with. I love how I can sever my ties from the world and be perfectly ok for 10 weeks as I listen to God, and watch as he fulfills his promises. I love how I can feel him working in me and through me. I love that I can be so happy and so content while I am cut off from the 'world.' Once again, thank you to my friends and family. Most of you know that the beginning of the summer was beyond challenging. I am glad to say that I am happy, and I can feel God working in my life. I hope that y'all can witness it too.
God is GREAT!
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Challenges
I speak for myself when I say that I get frustrated when things don't go my way. I get frustrated when things get difficult, or when things don't go according to 'my plan.' This past session, 2nd session, brought many challenges and many moments of frustration. As head counselor for 2 weeks of girls ages ranging from 9 to 12, I knew that what I would need more than anything was patience. Patience to wait as they tied their shoes, patience as they changed for the 12th time of the day, patience in waking them up, but little did I know just how challenging practicing such patience would be.
Power campers. On the first day when my first camper walked through the door of my tiny little W1/2 cabin, I knew. I knew automatically that these girls were power campers, or campers that have been doing this "camping" thing for a while. They know "ALL" about CDR and they expect a great session. A session full of fun things that they've never done, because last year they did yoga with their counselor and they did NOT like it. To me, there are few things that intimidate me more than such power campers, but I thought I was ready for the challenge. I was going strong, I was sharing God's word with love, I was getting excited about riding horses in the pouring rain, I was having the time of my life. Then just like that, I'm sitting at home as I was sick. Depressed didn't even begin to cover it, while I was home, my precious girls were going about the schedule at Camp Deer Run. To all who checked on me, prayed for me, and even encouraged me while I was sick, thank you. It was your words, prayers, and consideration that made what I thought was the biggest challenge I had faced in my career bearable. I came back ready to jump back to work as we headed to outcamping. Spending my first night back in the woods, was difficult and tiring, but I was determined to go hard. God was continually providing me the energy I needed, and every time I began to feel drained, he simply filled me again. I was struggling to regain ropes with my girls. Things felt off ever since I left, and I was quickly frustrated because things were not going according to my plan. My cabin bibles didn't seem to flow as easily as they had first session, and I was struggling with a difficult camper who simply wanted to go home. I was staying up late to console a crying camper, and rising early to plead with the same child to rise out of bed. Both of these things made for a long day. I was dealing with the challenge of girl drama and whiney voices constantly nagging at me constantly when one day God made himself known. Almost as if he was whispering to me, it hit me that as my campers were asking what's next, feeling left out, or simply not listening to me, that I was the same way in the presence of God. I was God's child that always wanted to know what he would do next in my life, I whine before God pleading him to let me rest, I was begging/ whining to God about how upset and down I had been feeling. I was the annoying, whining, crying camper in God's eyes. What a reality call for me! To place myself in the shoes of my children, my campers, gave me a way to face the challenges. For my homesick camper, I compared myself and my desire to enter the gates of Heaven to her desperation to go home. To my lonely, left-out camper, I saw myself as I was struggling in a relationship feeling like I had no one to talk to. To my campers that constantly turned their heads and would not listen, I saw myself as I turn from God to pursue my own desires. I was, I am my campers
These are simply a few of the challenges I faced, but let it be known though it was difficult, though I did laugh and cry, I grew. I was stretched and pulled, but I can feel the presence of God as he is molding me to be a better Christian. As it says in James, we will face challenges, but we must persevere. Challenges make us stronger, they help us learn. I am so glad that I had the session I did. It has helped prepare me for my future and it has better prepared me to place myself in the shoes of my campers. Crazy as it is, tomorrow we are halfway through the summer. 5 of 10 weeks almost complete. As always, God is good all the time. I am so thankful to have a God that is patient with me as he watches me grow.
Power campers. On the first day when my first camper walked through the door of my tiny little W1/2 cabin, I knew. I knew automatically that these girls were power campers, or campers that have been doing this "camping" thing for a while. They know "ALL" about CDR and they expect a great session. A session full of fun things that they've never done, because last year they did yoga with their counselor and they did NOT like it. To me, there are few things that intimidate me more than such power campers, but I thought I was ready for the challenge. I was going strong, I was sharing God's word with love, I was getting excited about riding horses in the pouring rain, I was having the time of my life. Then just like that, I'm sitting at home as I was sick. Depressed didn't even begin to cover it, while I was home, my precious girls were going about the schedule at Camp Deer Run. To all who checked on me, prayed for me, and even encouraged me while I was sick, thank you. It was your words, prayers, and consideration that made what I thought was the biggest challenge I had faced in my career bearable. I came back ready to jump back to work as we headed to outcamping. Spending my first night back in the woods, was difficult and tiring, but I was determined to go hard. God was continually providing me the energy I needed, and every time I began to feel drained, he simply filled me again. I was struggling to regain ropes with my girls. Things felt off ever since I left, and I was quickly frustrated because things were not going according to my plan. My cabin bibles didn't seem to flow as easily as they had first session, and I was struggling with a difficult camper who simply wanted to go home. I was staying up late to console a crying camper, and rising early to plead with the same child to rise out of bed. Both of these things made for a long day. I was dealing with the challenge of girl drama and whiney voices constantly nagging at me constantly when one day God made himself known. Almost as if he was whispering to me, it hit me that as my campers were asking what's next, feeling left out, or simply not listening to me, that I was the same way in the presence of God. I was God's child that always wanted to know what he would do next in my life, I whine before God pleading him to let me rest, I was begging/ whining to God about how upset and down I had been feeling. I was the annoying, whining, crying camper in God's eyes. What a reality call for me! To place myself in the shoes of my children, my campers, gave me a way to face the challenges. For my homesick camper, I compared myself and my desire to enter the gates of Heaven to her desperation to go home. To my lonely, left-out camper, I saw myself as I was struggling in a relationship feeling like I had no one to talk to. To my campers that constantly turned their heads and would not listen, I saw myself as I turn from God to pursue my own desires. I was, I am my campers
These are simply a few of the challenges I faced, but let it be known though it was difficult, though I did laugh and cry, I grew. I was stretched and pulled, but I can feel the presence of God as he is molding me to be a better Christian. As it says in James, we will face challenges, but we must persevere. Challenges make us stronger, they help us learn. I am so glad that I had the session I did. It has helped prepare me for my future and it has better prepared me to place myself in the shoes of my campers. Crazy as it is, tomorrow we are halfway through the summer. 5 of 10 weeks almost complete. As always, God is good all the time. I am so thankful to have a God that is patient with me as he watches me grow.
Saturday, June 15, 2013
God is GOOD.
1st session is complete and once again I am in Paris, Texas enjoying the first staff weekend. It is hard to believe that 2 of my 10 weeks have already flown by. I suppose it is the lack of communication with the world that makes time seem to pass so quickly, but at the same time every moment with my campers seems to last forever. This past week was an amazing one, and after only 5 days I want to share with you the faithfulness of God that was made known to me.
This past Sunday, 11 girls ran into my cabin quickly grabbing a bunk. Surprisingly, I recognized many of their faces as most had camped 1st session last year. Almost instantly, parents were pulling me aside informing me of certain 'situations' that I needed to be aware of. These situations were nothing big, but throughout the session they definitely kept me running. As soon as the parents left, I had all the girls circle up and we began to talk. At this point, only minutes after the parents left I was nervous. The girls seemed really shy, and I found out that 6 of the 11 were new to Camp Deer Run. Nervous as I was, I just prayed to God that during the week, he would soften their hearts and help me show them the beauty of Camp Deer Run. If it was his will, I wanted the girls to fall just as much in love with camp as I had over 10 years ago. For those of you who have never camped or visited to Camp Deer Run, there are few words that will capture the beauty of the work done beyond the gates. God's presence can be felt at all times, and camp is seriously cut off from the world.
As the session progressed, it quickly became evident to me why I, Katelyn Gambrel, was chosen to counsel these 11 girls in Women's 5. All of my girls were either entering 8th or 9th grade, and I soon realized that though they were only 13 and 14, they had seen enough brokenness for a lifetime. As they began to share with me and as they opened their hearts to God's teaching, I felt my own heart breaking with them. I knew that in 4 days, I had the opportunity to testify and show them God's goodness in everything. 'God is GOOD!' quickly became our cabin cheer, and the broken, hardened girls I had met on Sunday slowly began to heal before my eyes. They began to share their blessings in spite of the hard things they were facing back home. They were learning, and one by one seemed to approach me to tell me. While I know our mission at camp isn't to hear how well we are doing our job, it is SO rewarding to see the fruits of your labor. My girls each hold a special place in my heart, and I hope that through this past week I was able to show them God's faithfulness.
While all of this 'healing' was going on, I also saw my girls have the time of their lives. Whether it was dominating in Killi Olympics, or enjoying girl talk at our Marble Slab night activity, I was able to see God's joy in my girls. We sumo-wrestled, had paint wars, and enjoyed long talks about how God is good, even if we did have to do dishes because of our 'F' in cabin cleanliness. They also loved to sing and chant. They made up songs for almost everything, and how cheerful it was to hear their sweet voices sing in whatever activity we were doing. One day in particular, I was feeling the exhaustion. My body was hurting and I was discouraged because I was feeling so tired so early in the summer. On this day, I made 12, yes 12, trips to the camp nurse. From bug bites, to sickness, to a soccer ball in the face, we saw the nurse for it all. On this day I even ended up seeing one of my campers go home, because she was so sick. If you had seen me in person, you would have had a good laugh at the amount of running I was doing all over camp. But as the day came to a close, I couldn't help but laugh because as I prayed early that morning that God would help me find the energy, he instead saw that I never had the time to sit down or even think about how tired I was. God is good. He answers prayers.
1st session was amazing. As counselor of W5 I was sad to see my girls go, but excited to see and hear from them as they entered the world. Now as I rest up for 2nd session, I get to do it all over agin. For 2 weeks I will be head counseling W1/2, which is the youngest cabin at Camp Deer Run. I am excited to see God work in these upcoming weeks, and I know that whenever I need it he will provide the strength and energy I need.
Good is good. All the time, God is GOOD.
~Katelyn
This past Sunday, 11 girls ran into my cabin quickly grabbing a bunk. Surprisingly, I recognized many of their faces as most had camped 1st session last year. Almost instantly, parents were pulling me aside informing me of certain 'situations' that I needed to be aware of. These situations were nothing big, but throughout the session they definitely kept me running. As soon as the parents left, I had all the girls circle up and we began to talk. At this point, only minutes after the parents left I was nervous. The girls seemed really shy, and I found out that 6 of the 11 were new to Camp Deer Run. Nervous as I was, I just prayed to God that during the week, he would soften their hearts and help me show them the beauty of Camp Deer Run. If it was his will, I wanted the girls to fall just as much in love with camp as I had over 10 years ago. For those of you who have never camped or visited to Camp Deer Run, there are few words that will capture the beauty of the work done beyond the gates. God's presence can be felt at all times, and camp is seriously cut off from the world.
As the session progressed, it quickly became evident to me why I, Katelyn Gambrel, was chosen to counsel these 11 girls in Women's 5. All of my girls were either entering 8th or 9th grade, and I soon realized that though they were only 13 and 14, they had seen enough brokenness for a lifetime. As they began to share with me and as they opened their hearts to God's teaching, I felt my own heart breaking with them. I knew that in 4 days, I had the opportunity to testify and show them God's goodness in everything. 'God is GOOD!' quickly became our cabin cheer, and the broken, hardened girls I had met on Sunday slowly began to heal before my eyes. They began to share their blessings in spite of the hard things they were facing back home. They were learning, and one by one seemed to approach me to tell me. While I know our mission at camp isn't to hear how well we are doing our job, it is SO rewarding to see the fruits of your labor. My girls each hold a special place in my heart, and I hope that through this past week I was able to show them God's faithfulness.
While all of this 'healing' was going on, I also saw my girls have the time of their lives. Whether it was dominating in Killi Olympics, or enjoying girl talk at our Marble Slab night activity, I was able to see God's joy in my girls. We sumo-wrestled, had paint wars, and enjoyed long talks about how God is good, even if we did have to do dishes because of our 'F' in cabin cleanliness. They also loved to sing and chant. They made up songs for almost everything, and how cheerful it was to hear their sweet voices sing in whatever activity we were doing. One day in particular, I was feeling the exhaustion. My body was hurting and I was discouraged because I was feeling so tired so early in the summer. On this day, I made 12, yes 12, trips to the camp nurse. From bug bites, to sickness, to a soccer ball in the face, we saw the nurse for it all. On this day I even ended up seeing one of my campers go home, because she was so sick. If you had seen me in person, you would have had a good laugh at the amount of running I was doing all over camp. But as the day came to a close, I couldn't help but laugh because as I prayed early that morning that God would help me find the energy, he instead saw that I never had the time to sit down or even think about how tired I was. God is good. He answers prayers.
1st session was amazing. As counselor of W5 I was sad to see my girls go, but excited to see and hear from them as they entered the world. Now as I rest up for 2nd session, I get to do it all over agin. For 2 weeks I will be head counseling W1/2, which is the youngest cabin at Camp Deer Run. I am excited to see God work in these upcoming weeks, and I know that whenever I need it he will provide the strength and energy I need.
Good is good. All the time, God is GOOD.
~Katelyn
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