Every day I want to lay my crown at the feet of the Jesus, delaying the instant gratification of my selfish desires so that I may be able serve someone so much greater than myself.
So I set upon a quest, to die every day to myself. Every day I want to rise asking God how I can serve him, rather than telling God what he can do me for. I want to rise up, and bow down at the feet of Jesus, much like the song we sing in church, There's a Stirring.
This past weekend I took the windy roads home to Camp Deer Run. While the weather was scary, and at times I was driving 30 mph with my windshield wipers goings as fast as they could, I couldn't help but keeping driving. The piney woods of Camp Deer Run were whispering my name and for a number of reasons.
Camp has always been the one place I can go to step back and evaluate my life. It's my get away, because for some reason when you are disconnected from the world everything appears much clearer. While I'll admit I was stressed to be going back since I have 4 tests this week, the Holy Spirit continued to work on my heart until I was pulling in the gates, confident that I had made a right decision.
I've said it before, but this semester has truly been the most difficult one I've had yet. Not only have I struggled with my classes, but I have wrestled with God about what I want to do with the rest of my life. So this weekend, our director encouraged us to evaluate our life, almost as if he knew that was the primary reason why I was there. I had to get away from school, from College Station, to make some decisions.
Throughout the weekend we had several devotions, but one in particular stuck with me. This life I have been given, isn't about me. It's not about you either, but it's about serving God, our Creator. It's not about me. It's not about the struggles I have faced, but my life is being used to glorify a greater being. As I have wrestled with God every day this semester I have brought my requests to him, begging him to lead me, instead of asking him how I can serve him. I have selfishly been begging God for direction, when it has already been given to me.
Throughout 2 Corinthians 4, Paul speaks of our treasures in jars of clay. "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may be revealed in our body."
How amazing is our God to chose us to serve as his vessels, his instruments to testify to his goodness?! We are chosen to die to ourselves so that we can reveal the life of Jesus Christ. Outwardly we are wasting away, but yet God is renewing us, and using us to show himself. "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving us a greater eternal glory that far outweighs them all." Ya times are hard, but I have a bigger promise, an eternity with Jesus in Heaven.
So this brings up delay of gratification, which I am so thankful Janelle spoke to us about this weekend. We are called to die to ourselves, which means dying to our instant gratification. Because if we wait and delay it, we will one day be satisfied with the greatest reward of all. So we set out to die to ourselves every day. By dying to ourselves, we are glorifying a greater purpose, which will more so much more rewarding.
Like I said, there's something about the piney woods that has a special power of healing hearts, and giving me clarity. I was so blessed and encouraged this weekend, which was what my soul was desperately needing. As Thanksgiving approaches, I truly thank God for Camp Deer Run and for the special place it will always hold in my heart.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Monday, November 11, 2013
The Fight
Over the past week, I have have found myself getting knocked down, getting up just to get knocked down again. Really I imagine it much like a classic fight scene in a movie. You know the one where the two guys are fighting and as soon as one throws a good blow, he's returned one back in the gut, and it continues over and over again? Ya, that's been my life. Last week I had four tests, and I know I have no place to complain because I guarantee you, there are hundreds of students in the same position as me with several difficult tests, papers to write, and all sorts of nonsense that college professors throw at us and laughingly walk away as we try to juggle it all. I will admit, I am becoming a better juggler, but I still struggle as a test taker. One by one, each test I took gave me a good punch in the gut, until finally on Thursday I was on my knees, done with the fight. Especially after the punch Organic Chemistry gave me, you might just call that one a black out, but I'm not saying these things for pity, or for you to feel sorry for me. I'm saying it because that's what life does. It gives us several hard punches, and then it's up to us how we go about fighting. I'm guilty of sometimes giving us, and throwing a Katelyn Pity Party for one, because sometimes I don't understand why or what I'm fighting for. Then there are the days where I like to give life a big punch back in the face, like today, where I wrote three lab reports, made a 100 on a quiz, and finally managed to pick a topic for a disease research paper. Days like today are easy, but in a college world the problem is that these good days don't come as often as the stressful days. The days where we feel inadequate, where we struggle to pass, get to class, and even struggle to see the good.
And that's a problem. When we forget to see the good, when we forget to see how GREAT our God is and we forget to see blessings and not problems, we fall. We fall right into a self-pity party for one. A party so overwhelmed by the ways of the world that we forget to turn to God for help. Lately I have been reading through the book of Isaiah. What my focus has been is taking some of the prophets from the Old Testament, and looking at how they dealt with life. Let's be honest, life has never been easy for anyone, and so why not use the greatest book of all time to learn to navigate it better? Anyway, as I was reading through Isaiah 66, what I took from this chapter is somewhat a stretch, but I truly think it applies to every single one of us. God will not cause pain, without allowing something to be born of it. We all go through hard times, through hard tests, or even struggling as medical tests come back and they aren't what we had hoped, what we had been praying for for months. We all get bad news from our friends, we all have reason upon reason to be discouraged. But God promises us that he will be there for us. He will hold our hand as we navigate through life's punches, and if we allow him to, he will show us the good in the bad.
God is good all the time, was a saying I had my campers repeatedly say every day at Deer Run this summer, and I foolishly forgot it myself. But today I remembered. I remembered that God is good, even if I failed an organic test. God is good because today he humbled me, and helped me realize that once again I have found myself trying to make MY plans for my future His, when it should be the other way around. God is good, because he always provides. God is good because he does comfort me when I feel like I can't take life's punches, and he provides me the strength to fight back. God is SO good, and I have forgotten to take time to realize that. No matter the punches life throws at us, our God is still bigger and is still better than them all. He is the ultimate fighter, and his son died for us so that we could spend an eternity with him.
Now, tell me that news doesn't build you up and give you the strength you need to make it through tomorrow? I know that I'm ready to keep fighting, because my God is good, and if I allow him too, he will show me his goodness in all things.
And that's a problem. When we forget to see the good, when we forget to see how GREAT our God is and we forget to see blessings and not problems, we fall. We fall right into a self-pity party for one. A party so overwhelmed by the ways of the world that we forget to turn to God for help. Lately I have been reading through the book of Isaiah. What my focus has been is taking some of the prophets from the Old Testament, and looking at how they dealt with life. Let's be honest, life has never been easy for anyone, and so why not use the greatest book of all time to learn to navigate it better? Anyway, as I was reading through Isaiah 66, what I took from this chapter is somewhat a stretch, but I truly think it applies to every single one of us. God will not cause pain, without allowing something to be born of it. We all go through hard times, through hard tests, or even struggling as medical tests come back and they aren't what we had hoped, what we had been praying for for months. We all get bad news from our friends, we all have reason upon reason to be discouraged. But God promises us that he will be there for us. He will hold our hand as we navigate through life's punches, and if we allow him to, he will show us the good in the bad.
God is good all the time, was a saying I had my campers repeatedly say every day at Deer Run this summer, and I foolishly forgot it myself. But today I remembered. I remembered that God is good, even if I failed an organic test. God is good because today he humbled me, and helped me realize that once again I have found myself trying to make MY plans for my future His, when it should be the other way around. God is good, because he always provides. God is good because he does comfort me when I feel like I can't take life's punches, and he provides me the strength to fight back. God is SO good, and I have forgotten to take time to realize that. No matter the punches life throws at us, our God is still bigger and is still better than them all. He is the ultimate fighter, and his son died for us so that we could spend an eternity with him.
Now, tell me that news doesn't build you up and give you the strength you need to make it through tomorrow? I know that I'm ready to keep fighting, because my God is good, and if I allow him too, he will show me his goodness in all things.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Letting Go
"To let go isn't to forget, not to think about, or ignore. It doesn't leave feelings of anger, jealousy or regret. Letting go isn't winning, and it isn't losing. It's not about pride, and it's not about how you appear, and it's not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn't blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and doesn't leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness. It's not giving in or giving up. Letting go isn't about loss and it's certainly not defeat. To let go is to cherish memories, and overcome and move on. It's having an open mind and confidence in the future. Letting go is accepting. It's learning and experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. It's about all you have, all that you had, and all that you will soon again. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It's realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path, and set you free…"
I came across this quote this afternoon as my roommate and I were leaving church. Stuck in the traffic from all of the cars trying to leave the parking lot, we usually pass the time listening to the radio or looking online at Pinterest. When I found this quote, it literally took my breath away and stabbed me in the gut for a millisecond. It rings so true for many circumstances in my life right now as I am prayerfully making decisions about my summer, my future, and my life in general.
To bring you up to date on my life, I'm doing a lot better. For a while my family was truly concerned I was in a stress depression, but with the ease of dropping a class, my happiness has significantly improved. I have a tendency to 'overload' myself just like everyone else in my family. While I'd like to say I've learned from this mistake and I'll never do it again, it's very likely I'll always load my plate with obligations, and many activities that'll keep me busy. But, what I have learned is that it is ok to let go.
And so, I'm beginning a process of letting go. Speaking truthfully, there have been many little things that have brought this concept of 'letting go' to my mind lately. Some are painful, and some have brought me to tears, but through pain I have seen others let go, and I have seen many embrace a new life, not necessarily better, but a new life that God is leading them towards.
Every Friday I volunteer for three hours at St. Joseph's hospital as a patient transporter. It is the highlight of my week as I have said before, and I love being able to interact with patients. I always leave with stories too, of the mad patient, the elderly married couple both hospitalized insisting on sharing a room, or even the patient who tried to escape the hospital. I say this because there is never a dull moment, and I love leaving with a story. Sometimes though, the stories aren't funny or even frustrating, but sometimes the events of the hospital are just straight up heart-wrenching. Tragedy is inevitable, especially in a hospital, but even after 3 months I can't help but hurt when I witness a trauma rush into the ER. When I hear the screams of a small child, or see the blue butterfly signaling the loss of an elderly patient, I can't help but catch my breath and pray for God's healing hands for those individuals involved. But what touches me most, is the number of nurses there in the event still offering kind words and extending their love. This past week, a fatal trauma came in and while the ER walls still echoed of sirens and piercing cries, a nurse turned to me and a fellow transporter and said something along the lines of, 'while the trauma was horrible and the pain to come will seem unbearable, there is peace in letting go and allowing God to help you give you the strength to keep moving on in life.' Her words while softly muttered in private, truly touched me.
While the nurse was speaking of letting go of a loved one, I, too, can see how in life sometimes we must let go to embrace change. Right now I am doing my best to let go of of my summer home, CDR, in fear that I won't get to return for another summer. While I will never let go of my memories, or my strong support for the work done, I am trying to let go of my role as counselor and embrace a new role, a new chapter. I am accepting the hard truth that I do have to embrace my academic responsibilities so that I can graduate on time.
But, while I try hard to let go, I still struggle. It's hard to let go when I still have a passion for my campers and when I hear of their hardships my heart breaks a little bit. It's hard to let go of something when you aren't finished fighting for it yet. When I still want to nurture my campers, and lead them to Christ, it's hard for me to let go, because selfishly I still want to be their 'favorite counselor.' So, it is a struggle I face daily. I struggle to let go when my summer plans are uncertain, but I still want to hold on to the hope that I may be able to return to the piney woods.
Through it all, through my uncertainty and my doubt, I know that God's plan is prevailing. I know he is leading me towards green pastures, and that no matter what I spend my summer doing, I will have the opportunity to love his people and share the good news. Instead, I'm letting go of my 'strict plans' I had for my life. I'm going to do my best to embrace my uncertain future and I excitedly look forward to the places God will take me.
I came across this quote this afternoon as my roommate and I were leaving church. Stuck in the traffic from all of the cars trying to leave the parking lot, we usually pass the time listening to the radio or looking online at Pinterest. When I found this quote, it literally took my breath away and stabbed me in the gut for a millisecond. It rings so true for many circumstances in my life right now as I am prayerfully making decisions about my summer, my future, and my life in general.
To bring you up to date on my life, I'm doing a lot better. For a while my family was truly concerned I was in a stress depression, but with the ease of dropping a class, my happiness has significantly improved. I have a tendency to 'overload' myself just like everyone else in my family. While I'd like to say I've learned from this mistake and I'll never do it again, it's very likely I'll always load my plate with obligations, and many activities that'll keep me busy. But, what I have learned is that it is ok to let go.
And so, I'm beginning a process of letting go. Speaking truthfully, there have been many little things that have brought this concept of 'letting go' to my mind lately. Some are painful, and some have brought me to tears, but through pain I have seen others let go, and I have seen many embrace a new life, not necessarily better, but a new life that God is leading them towards.
Every Friday I volunteer for three hours at St. Joseph's hospital as a patient transporter. It is the highlight of my week as I have said before, and I love being able to interact with patients. I always leave with stories too, of the mad patient, the elderly married couple both hospitalized insisting on sharing a room, or even the patient who tried to escape the hospital. I say this because there is never a dull moment, and I love leaving with a story. Sometimes though, the stories aren't funny or even frustrating, but sometimes the events of the hospital are just straight up heart-wrenching. Tragedy is inevitable, especially in a hospital, but even after 3 months I can't help but hurt when I witness a trauma rush into the ER. When I hear the screams of a small child, or see the blue butterfly signaling the loss of an elderly patient, I can't help but catch my breath and pray for God's healing hands for those individuals involved. But what touches me most, is the number of nurses there in the event still offering kind words and extending their love. This past week, a fatal trauma came in and while the ER walls still echoed of sirens and piercing cries, a nurse turned to me and a fellow transporter and said something along the lines of, 'while the trauma was horrible and the pain to come will seem unbearable, there is peace in letting go and allowing God to help you give you the strength to keep moving on in life.' Her words while softly muttered in private, truly touched me.
While the nurse was speaking of letting go of a loved one, I, too, can see how in life sometimes we must let go to embrace change. Right now I am doing my best to let go of of my summer home, CDR, in fear that I won't get to return for another summer. While I will never let go of my memories, or my strong support for the work done, I am trying to let go of my role as counselor and embrace a new role, a new chapter. I am accepting the hard truth that I do have to embrace my academic responsibilities so that I can graduate on time.
But, while I try hard to let go, I still struggle. It's hard to let go when I still have a passion for my campers and when I hear of their hardships my heart breaks a little bit. It's hard to let go of something when you aren't finished fighting for it yet. When I still want to nurture my campers, and lead them to Christ, it's hard for me to let go, because selfishly I still want to be their 'favorite counselor.' So, it is a struggle I face daily. I struggle to let go when my summer plans are uncertain, but I still want to hold on to the hope that I may be able to return to the piney woods.
Through it all, through my uncertainty and my doubt, I know that God's plan is prevailing. I know he is leading me towards green pastures, and that no matter what I spend my summer doing, I will have the opportunity to love his people and share the good news. Instead, I'm letting go of my 'strict plans' I had for my life. I'm going to do my best to embrace my uncertain future and I excitedly look forward to the places God will take me.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
The Parable of the Missing Badge
To start out, I named this post just for my roommate Lucie who has been an inspiration to me and truly the best friend/roommate I could ask for.
I have been SO weighed down over the past couple of week that I haven't taken the opportunity to stop and reflect on my life. I haven't stopped to realize my priorities are becoming overwhelmed by the stress of my science major, church, my training for my half, and volunteering. I have been running like crazy trying to keep up with the things I've been thrown when I finally realized I can't do it all. I have a problem, and admitting it myself is the first step to making the changes I need to make in order to live a healthier life in all aspects.
This time of year is always chaotic and always causes me great anxiety. So not surprisingly this year was no different. As September progresses I begin to feel like I'm drowning in a sea of my own stress, most of which I cause myself. This year though, I vowed to myself to do some deep reflection of my heart, my dreams, and my ambitions, only to find out with great remorse that where I'm headed is not what I believe God wants for me. I've been striving for my own personal success, placing my grades and future dreams of a career over God. I've struggled to take the time to listen to him, rather than just tell him what I'm doing and ask for his support. So as the stress began to hit, I felt my life crumble around me. I became an emotional train-wreck, my body physically couldn't handle the stress as the lack of sleep and training were exhausting me, and lastly I wasn't seeing success. My grades weren't improving. I wasn't improving in my training, and I just seemed to always want to cry and eat ice-cream, which I shamefully did thinking that it would make me happy.
One day I was sitting in the library trying to study for a test I had in an hour, and I finally did something that I've never done before. I admitted to a close friend that I was struggling. I finally spoke aloud that I wasn't good, and that I truly felt like my life was crumbling around me. I struggle with the pride of self-image. I want everyone to think that my life is put together and perfect, when truly I struggle every day just to prioritize and to thank God for blessing me. So that day in the library, I reached a milestone. I was real with someone and actually shared the 'true shape' of my life. I realized that this was the self-reflection I had been craving, and just being able to speak it out to someone with listening hears was relief enough. A weight had been lifted, but still stress was overwhelming me.
The same week, I made it to class and in a panic realized that I had forgotten my badge for the hospital. So I did what all roommates do, and quickly texted my roommate to look in my room for it. Lucie couldn't find it, and with a time crunch to make it to my next class, I rushed home and began to literally tear my room apart. I was nearly in tears, and had foolishly began unpacking every single box in my room in desperation. Thinking aloud, I told Lucie how I was the worst volunteer, so irresponsible, and so on, but all along she kept a calm disposition and helped me look. I had just about given up, sitting on my floor not knowing how I was going to explain that I had lost my new badge (long story short, I had already had to receive a new one) and then Lucie saw it.
"Katelyn? Is that it up on the wall?!"
There my missing badge was, right on the wall clipped where I could easily and quickly find it. But in that 30 minutes I was dramatically overreacting and couldn't stop to think or to see what was clearly right in front of my face. This might be a long stretch, but after finding my badge I couldn't help but think to myself that I do the same thing with God every day. He is right in front of me offering me peace, relief from my stress, but I am so overwhelmed that I cannot see him standing right in front of me. I am so caught up in myself that I cannot see the important things, the one thing that at the end of the day that matters, God.
I realize now that my life has truly been all over the place. I have been bottling stress and letting it overwhelm me, but I am so thankful that my God is a forgiving God. He always welcomes me back into his arms when I realize I have failed him, and that I have forgotten him in light of my stressful days at college. I have finally realized that it is ok to admit that things aren't going well. It doesn't mean I'm a failure, it means I'm real. I struggle with my classes every day. I'm a horrible test taker, and I'm still trying to learn how to study. Sometimes I'm not a good friend or roommate and I take out my stress on those around me. But I am SO thankful that I can now admit these struggles and ask for forgiveness. Our God is great, and I now know a peace that I have never known before.
I have been SO weighed down over the past couple of week that I haven't taken the opportunity to stop and reflect on my life. I haven't stopped to realize my priorities are becoming overwhelmed by the stress of my science major, church, my training for my half, and volunteering. I have been running like crazy trying to keep up with the things I've been thrown when I finally realized I can't do it all. I have a problem, and admitting it myself is the first step to making the changes I need to make in order to live a healthier life in all aspects.
This time of year is always chaotic and always causes me great anxiety. So not surprisingly this year was no different. As September progresses I begin to feel like I'm drowning in a sea of my own stress, most of which I cause myself. This year though, I vowed to myself to do some deep reflection of my heart, my dreams, and my ambitions, only to find out with great remorse that where I'm headed is not what I believe God wants for me. I've been striving for my own personal success, placing my grades and future dreams of a career over God. I've struggled to take the time to listen to him, rather than just tell him what I'm doing and ask for his support. So as the stress began to hit, I felt my life crumble around me. I became an emotional train-wreck, my body physically couldn't handle the stress as the lack of sleep and training were exhausting me, and lastly I wasn't seeing success. My grades weren't improving. I wasn't improving in my training, and I just seemed to always want to cry and eat ice-cream, which I shamefully did thinking that it would make me happy.
One day I was sitting in the library trying to study for a test I had in an hour, and I finally did something that I've never done before. I admitted to a close friend that I was struggling. I finally spoke aloud that I wasn't good, and that I truly felt like my life was crumbling around me. I struggle with the pride of self-image. I want everyone to think that my life is put together and perfect, when truly I struggle every day just to prioritize and to thank God for blessing me. So that day in the library, I reached a milestone. I was real with someone and actually shared the 'true shape' of my life. I realized that this was the self-reflection I had been craving, and just being able to speak it out to someone with listening hears was relief enough. A weight had been lifted, but still stress was overwhelming me.
The same week, I made it to class and in a panic realized that I had forgotten my badge for the hospital. So I did what all roommates do, and quickly texted my roommate to look in my room for it. Lucie couldn't find it, and with a time crunch to make it to my next class, I rushed home and began to literally tear my room apart. I was nearly in tears, and had foolishly began unpacking every single box in my room in desperation. Thinking aloud, I told Lucie how I was the worst volunteer, so irresponsible, and so on, but all along she kept a calm disposition and helped me look. I had just about given up, sitting on my floor not knowing how I was going to explain that I had lost my new badge (long story short, I had already had to receive a new one) and then Lucie saw it.
"Katelyn? Is that it up on the wall?!"
There my missing badge was, right on the wall clipped where I could easily and quickly find it. But in that 30 minutes I was dramatically overreacting and couldn't stop to think or to see what was clearly right in front of my face. This might be a long stretch, but after finding my badge I couldn't help but think to myself that I do the same thing with God every day. He is right in front of me offering me peace, relief from my stress, but I am so overwhelmed that I cannot see him standing right in front of me. I am so caught up in myself that I cannot see the important things, the one thing that at the end of the day that matters, God.
I realize now that my life has truly been all over the place. I have been bottling stress and letting it overwhelm me, but I am so thankful that my God is a forgiving God. He always welcomes me back into his arms when I realize I have failed him, and that I have forgotten him in light of my stressful days at college. I have finally realized that it is ok to admit that things aren't going well. It doesn't mean I'm a failure, it means I'm real. I struggle with my classes every day. I'm a horrible test taker, and I'm still trying to learn how to study. Sometimes I'm not a good friend or roommate and I take out my stress on those around me. But I am SO thankful that I can now admit these struggles and ask for forgiveness. Our God is great, and I now know a peace that I have never known before.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Difficult Devotion
Let me just start out by saying that I think we all struggle with devoting ourselves fully, without reservation to God. Maybe you don't, but I do. I struggle to be content with God and God alone. I struggle to put my full trust in Him, though I try to every day. I struggle with releasing the reins of my life to God, to allow him to steer me in the right direction. I struggle to devote my entire heart to my Creator, the one who not only formed me, but predestined me to serve his kingdom. It's difficult for me to admit that I struggle with this, because I like to fool myself into thinking that by going to church, reading my bible, and praying that I'm truly devoting myself to God, when really there is so much more than simply going through the motions.
A month ago I began telling my friends that I wasn't dating, I was devoting. I'm devoting time to God, just like I would if I were going on dates. I'm dancing with God, dining with Him, listening and conversing with him frequently. I'm trying to pray to God as often as I text my best friends in my group thread on my phone. I'm trying to create this intimate relationship with the one that created me. I'm trying to fall in love with God all over again. I believe I was there at one point. I was so wrapped up in God that I didn't think of trying to please anyone else. He came first in everything I did and said and since then I've drifted from this closeness with God. I WANT to have it back. I want to have the undivided devotion for God again, but it hasn't been easy. It is so difficult not to be distracted by the ways of the world, but if it's worth having, it's worth working for. So I continue to work at this 'devotion' to God. I fail daily, but I'm striving towards a relationship with God where I feel enveloped with his fullness and goodness. I want to be in love with God, so in love that I don't have to think about it, but I can feel it every moment of every day. The past month hasn't been easy for a number of reasons. There's times when I feel lonely as I watch my friends get engaged and plan weddings, or the times where I feel like no one will ever appreciate me or love me the way God does, but regardless of any feelings I have, I'm turning to God. I'm learning to not only be content, but to be at peace with my relationship with God. What a beautiful love story that I am beginning to fall in love with my Creator all over again?
A month ago I began telling my friends that I wasn't dating, I was devoting. I'm devoting time to God, just like I would if I were going on dates. I'm dancing with God, dining with Him, listening and conversing with him frequently. I'm trying to pray to God as often as I text my best friends in my group thread on my phone. I'm trying to create this intimate relationship with the one that created me. I'm trying to fall in love with God all over again. I believe I was there at one point. I was so wrapped up in God that I didn't think of trying to please anyone else. He came first in everything I did and said and since then I've drifted from this closeness with God. I WANT to have it back. I want to have the undivided devotion for God again, but it hasn't been easy. It is so difficult not to be distracted by the ways of the world, but if it's worth having, it's worth working for. So I continue to work at this 'devotion' to God. I fail daily, but I'm striving towards a relationship with God where I feel enveloped with his fullness and goodness. I want to be in love with God, so in love that I don't have to think about it, but I can feel it every moment of every day. The past month hasn't been easy for a number of reasons. There's times when I feel lonely as I watch my friends get engaged and plan weddings, or the times where I feel like no one will ever appreciate me or love me the way God does, but regardless of any feelings I have, I'm turning to God. I'm learning to not only be content, but to be at peace with my relationship with God. What a beautiful love story that I am beginning to fall in love with my Creator all over again?
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Cheers
Learning to laugh, learning to praise God in even the most uncomfortable, or inconvenient times has been our mission this summer. Learning to Praise God in all circumstances is not only our theme for our campers, but as a staff, we too, have been practicing such praise. For 5th session, a dear friend and I decided to "cheer" to every event that happened in our cabin, or anything that happened with our group. When something funny, dramatic, or exasperating would happen, we would look at each other and simply cheer and continue on with the rest of the day. This to me was a way of accountability, a way to continue praising in all circumstances. So with this said, I would love to share some of our mental "cheers" with you.
Cheers to poopy pants.
Cheers to missing sleeping bags.
Cheers to learning that Patience is a virtue.
Cheers to campers who appear to hate the world.
Cheers to a camper who struggled to say anything positive.
Cheers to bribing children with candy to go on the Hawaiian slip-n-slide.
Cheers to campers infatuation with staff members.
Cheers to relationships.
Cheers to 82.
Cheers to Golden Pond.
Cheers to Christmas in July.
Cheers to icing hundreds of cookies for Christmas in July.
Cheers to being murdered within the first 30 seconds of Murder in the Dark.
Cheers to a camper who thought and acted as if he was Gollum.
Cheers to rain jackets being mistaken for people in the cabin late at night.
Cheers to late nights and early mornings.
Cheers to night swimming.
Cheers to girls who didn't wear deodorant.
Cheers to the constant attack of chiggers.
Cheers to trying to wrestle 10 girls out of bed in the morning to start the day.
Cheers to our God for answering prayers.
Cheers to God for allowing my mom's procedure to go well.
Cheers to God for helping us through a month of camp with a day and a half off.
Cheers to God for 14 baptisms.
Cheers to 40 precious Wenache campers who taught us a number of lessons throughout the duration of 5th session.
Cheers to poopy pants.
Cheers to missing sleeping bags.
Cheers to learning that Patience is a virtue.
Cheers to campers who appear to hate the world.
Cheers to a camper who struggled to say anything positive.
Cheers to bribing children with candy to go on the Hawaiian slip-n-slide.
Cheers to campers infatuation with staff members.
Cheers to relationships.
Cheers to 82.
Cheers to Golden Pond.
Cheers to Christmas in July.
Cheers to icing hundreds of cookies for Christmas in July.
Cheers to being murdered within the first 30 seconds of Murder in the Dark.
Cheers to a camper who thought and acted as if he was Gollum.
Cheers to rain jackets being mistaken for people in the cabin late at night.
Cheers to late nights and early mornings.
Cheers to night swimming.
Cheers to girls who didn't wear deodorant.
Cheers to the constant attack of chiggers.
Cheers to trying to wrestle 10 girls out of bed in the morning to start the day.
Cheers to our God for answering prayers.
Cheers to God for allowing my mom's procedure to go well.
Cheers to God for helping us through a month of camp with a day and a half off.
Cheers to God for 14 baptisms.
Cheers to 40 precious Wenache campers who taught us a number of lessons throughout the duration of 5th session.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Gone, Gone, Gone
Today marked the end of an incredible two weeks. These past two weeks were some of the most memorable and in these past two weeks I truly witnessed the power of our God. I witnessed his capability to take broken relationships and restore them. I witnessed God's power made perfect in my weakness.
Two days before the session began, I received the news that I would be a co-counselor for my sister's cabin. I was so excited, mainly because over the past year my sister and I had grown distant. We were no longer as close and our relationship felt stressed and forced. I knew God had big plans for my sister and I, but now looking back I know I underestimated the power of God. I also underestimated his ability to allow me to "connect" with other campers.
For the first week of the session I was 'Canteen Queen' or as many of my campers called me 'Canteen Nazi.' How did I acquire such nickname? Because I like to run a 'tight ship' and during my week in the canteen I was constantly cleaning. What I loved about canteen was that every day I was able to interact with every group three times. So even though I was a Hoche, I was still able to interact with Cheuks. One Cheuk camper in particular grabbed my heart the very first day. As a complete stranger, she reached out to me. She loved me before I even knew her name. This camper stole my heart, and as the session progressed we formed a very special bond. Such a bond that she trusted me, and would listen to me. When she was having a bad day or felt angry, I was able to whisper to her and immediately a huge smile came across her face. That toothless grin had a way to turn my day around as well. Her grin and a recent song Gone, Gone, Gone by Phillips Phillips helped me realize that our Creator will ALWAYS love us and that he will never leave us.
To further elaborate, some of the lyrics I love from this song are "I'll love you long after your gone." Even when my Cheuk camper left camp on Friday, I know I'll love her forever. In the same, I know that whenever I 'leave' or turn away from God I know that he's not moving on, but he will love me long after I'm gone. God never leaves us.
"When life leaves you high and dry, I'll be at your door tonight if you need help." "If you need help, I'll share in your suffering to make you well." These phrases reiterate that God will always be there to help, and he will always love us no matter how long we turn away from him. As it says in Psalm 40:2 "He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand." God NEVER leaves us. While I know God will never leave me, I also find great importance of stressing to our campers that we won't leave them either. The same camper I mentioned earlier also had a habit of 'pretending' to be mad. She would run away 'upset', but every time I was with her I made a point to follow her. Giving her space, I let my presence say it all. Even though I knew she wasn't really upset, she wanted to know that I cared. She wanted to know that I wanted her, and that I wouldn't leave her. When she was done playing this game, she would always run back to my arms and give me the biggest hug saying how much she loved me. From God's example, I have been able to realize that sometimes my campers just want to see that I will be there for them. Even if they are completely exasperating, pushing my patience to the max, these campers don't need to be yelled at or abandoned, instead we need to express God's love to them, by showing that we will go with them. Where they go, we will go.
Isn't this one of the best ways to love one another? To show that even if we are upset, angry, or simply frustrated, we will still be there for one another. We will love no matter what is going on. Even if those we love walk away or choose to walk out of our lives, we can show our love by loving them continually. Jesus is the perfect example of this love. Even as he was being crucified he still uttered out of love "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." Jesus loved us enough to die for us, so we alike can continue to love our brothers and sisters in Christ.
While I was learning this lesson through my interactions with this Cheuk camper, I also witnessed the power of God made perfect in my weakness. Halfway through the session I was filling empty. Physically I wasn't sure how I was going to last another week. Yet, it was in these moments where I felt so empty that God spoke the most. One moment in particular I had the chance to meet with my sister and truly catch up. In one hour we shared the events of the past year. We cried together and prayed together. In one hour that began as I was too tired to move, I felt God soften my heart so that my sister and I could begin our relationship again. Another time, I decided to meet with my sister's best friend for quiet time to simply catch up and talk. I was exhausted, but for some reason I knew it was important to speak with her. What started out as a casual conversation, ended up as baptism study. Two days later, my sister's best friend was baptized into Christ. How powerful is our God that when I felt so empty, he provided me two occasions to see his goodness?
This session was phenomenal. I cried a lot as I watched our God restore my spirit. I saw him heal my broken relationship with my sister. I witnessed his power as Becca was baptized. I laughed a lot too as I spent the second week of the session with the pee wees (day campers.) One funny story was when my pee wee camper came up to me. All session they had called me Mrs. Green, because obviously since I was a leader of their green group I was married to the other male staff member who was a leader too. "Mrs. Green!" She cried as she held her shirt up as she held something inside.
"Yes?"
"I found some moth eggs and I'm going to take them hope and watch them hatch!!! Want to see?!"
As she unfolded her shirt, tears of laughter rolled down my face as the contents inside her shirt were not moth eggs, but instead was actually deer poop.
This instance was just one of many that had me rolling. How great is our God that we can laugh over such memories, and in the same way glorify him. God is good. 4th session was great, and provided SO many memories, but now we are on to our last 3 weeks of camp. Three more to go, and then in four weeks I will be back in College Station. Time flies, but in it all God continually shows me his goodness and his faithfulness.
Two days before the session began, I received the news that I would be a co-counselor for my sister's cabin. I was so excited, mainly because over the past year my sister and I had grown distant. We were no longer as close and our relationship felt stressed and forced. I knew God had big plans for my sister and I, but now looking back I know I underestimated the power of God. I also underestimated his ability to allow me to "connect" with other campers.
For the first week of the session I was 'Canteen Queen' or as many of my campers called me 'Canteen Nazi.' How did I acquire such nickname? Because I like to run a 'tight ship' and during my week in the canteen I was constantly cleaning. What I loved about canteen was that every day I was able to interact with every group three times. So even though I was a Hoche, I was still able to interact with Cheuks. One Cheuk camper in particular grabbed my heart the very first day. As a complete stranger, she reached out to me. She loved me before I even knew her name. This camper stole my heart, and as the session progressed we formed a very special bond. Such a bond that she trusted me, and would listen to me. When she was having a bad day or felt angry, I was able to whisper to her and immediately a huge smile came across her face. That toothless grin had a way to turn my day around as well. Her grin and a recent song Gone, Gone, Gone by Phillips Phillips helped me realize that our Creator will ALWAYS love us and that he will never leave us.
To further elaborate, some of the lyrics I love from this song are "I'll love you long after your gone." Even when my Cheuk camper left camp on Friday, I know I'll love her forever. In the same, I know that whenever I 'leave' or turn away from God I know that he's not moving on, but he will love me long after I'm gone. God never leaves us.
"When life leaves you high and dry, I'll be at your door tonight if you need help." "If you need help, I'll share in your suffering to make you well." These phrases reiterate that God will always be there to help, and he will always love us no matter how long we turn away from him. As it says in Psalm 40:2 "He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand." God NEVER leaves us. While I know God will never leave me, I also find great importance of stressing to our campers that we won't leave them either. The same camper I mentioned earlier also had a habit of 'pretending' to be mad. She would run away 'upset', but every time I was with her I made a point to follow her. Giving her space, I let my presence say it all. Even though I knew she wasn't really upset, she wanted to know that I cared. She wanted to know that I wanted her, and that I wouldn't leave her. When she was done playing this game, she would always run back to my arms and give me the biggest hug saying how much she loved me. From God's example, I have been able to realize that sometimes my campers just want to see that I will be there for them. Even if they are completely exasperating, pushing my patience to the max, these campers don't need to be yelled at or abandoned, instead we need to express God's love to them, by showing that we will go with them. Where they go, we will go.
Isn't this one of the best ways to love one another? To show that even if we are upset, angry, or simply frustrated, we will still be there for one another. We will love no matter what is going on. Even if those we love walk away or choose to walk out of our lives, we can show our love by loving them continually. Jesus is the perfect example of this love. Even as he was being crucified he still uttered out of love "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." Jesus loved us enough to die for us, so we alike can continue to love our brothers and sisters in Christ.
While I was learning this lesson through my interactions with this Cheuk camper, I also witnessed the power of God made perfect in my weakness. Halfway through the session I was filling empty. Physically I wasn't sure how I was going to last another week. Yet, it was in these moments where I felt so empty that God spoke the most. One moment in particular I had the chance to meet with my sister and truly catch up. In one hour we shared the events of the past year. We cried together and prayed together. In one hour that began as I was too tired to move, I felt God soften my heart so that my sister and I could begin our relationship again. Another time, I decided to meet with my sister's best friend for quiet time to simply catch up and talk. I was exhausted, but for some reason I knew it was important to speak with her. What started out as a casual conversation, ended up as baptism study. Two days later, my sister's best friend was baptized into Christ. How powerful is our God that when I felt so empty, he provided me two occasions to see his goodness?
This session was phenomenal. I cried a lot as I watched our God restore my spirit. I saw him heal my broken relationship with my sister. I witnessed his power as Becca was baptized. I laughed a lot too as I spent the second week of the session with the pee wees (day campers.) One funny story was when my pee wee camper came up to me. All session they had called me Mrs. Green, because obviously since I was a leader of their green group I was married to the other male staff member who was a leader too. "Mrs. Green!" She cried as she held her shirt up as she held something inside.
"Yes?"
"I found some moth eggs and I'm going to take them hope and watch them hatch!!! Want to see?!"
As she unfolded her shirt, tears of laughter rolled down my face as the contents inside her shirt were not moth eggs, but instead was actually deer poop.
This instance was just one of many that had me rolling. How great is our God that we can laugh over such memories, and in the same way glorify him. God is good. 4th session was great, and provided SO many memories, but now we are on to our last 3 weeks of camp. Three more to go, and then in four weeks I will be back in College Station. Time flies, but in it all God continually shows me his goodness and his faithfulness.
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